Morning conversations

I pass several people when I am running early in the morning, and occasionally someone will talk to me. Very rarely am I able to come up with a coherent response as I am passing by.  So here is what I would say to all the people I pass, if I should ever slow down long enough to have a real conversation, if they ever cared to talk back, or if I ever had the guts to say what I really thought. 

To the farmers: you are probably the only people working harder than I am right now, and I know your efforts have a lot more purpose than mine.  Thank you for producing food so I don't have to.  I would be very hungry if I had to rely on what I could produce for food.

To the cows:  Good MOOOOOOrning. 
 

To the Driver's Ed. students:  Thank you for not running me over. I promise that eventually we will both feel better about having you on the road, but for now, thank you for keeping a safe distance away.
 

To the people walking on the track:  If it looks easy, it's because I've put in a lot of time and effort.  I know I'm running backwards, it is my cooldown.  I have run a zillion laps the other way and now I'm unwinding.  And by the way, if you leave the track once in a while and see the neighborhood, you will feel less like a hamster on a wheel.
 

To the people at cross-fit:  I respect your dedication to working out that gets you up early, and I respect that you are working hard.  I feel a kinship with you.  But I think you ought to get out of the gym once in a while and exercise outside.  Morning is nice; experience it outside. (Okay, I know you would probably tell me to get off the road and into the gym once in a while, so maybe we can call a truce, and each go our own way.)
 

To the people walking past me and pretending not to see me:  It's six in the morning and we are the only people on this stretch of road.  Just lift up your hand and wave hello.  I know you are in the middle of telling a good story, and I won't engage you very long, but it would be nice to at least wave.  After all, we are all in this together.
 

To the ducks in the road:  Yes, I am going to run right at you; no I don't want to hurt you; and yes, this is as crazy as it seems.  But it might be safer for you in the long run if you move your issues off the road.
 

To the guy who says "run one for me": I would if I could.  Eat a dozen donuts for me and we will call it even.
 

To the neighbors: I am sorry you have to see me loop through the neighborhood so many times, in various states of decay and sweat.  But I have to return to my house for water and fuel, and there are only so many streets in this town. Thank you for your patience.  Feel free to join me anytime.
Happy running!