What your clothes say about you

I have noticed, from my casual observation of other runners, that what you wear sends messages to other runners about you.  If you have ever wondered about the people toeing the starting line next to you, I am about to unlock the secrets.  This handy-dandy guide will help you identify the novice in Nike or the all-star in Adidas.    Now you will understand exactly what your running wardrobe is saying about you and those around you.

Men in short shorts:  I am a competitive, serious runner, who is comfortable enough in my masculinity to show a lot of leg.  You could make fun of me if you could catch me.

The skirt: I am feminine and fast, and just a little bit sassy.
The tutu: I am also feminine, but unlike the skirt, not really fast, just trying to stand out.  

Sweats and a cotton tee shirt:  I have not run since 1980, and like to carry all my sweat around with me.
Costumes: I am here to enjoy the festivities, not run fast. 

Spandex: I am fast and fit, and can't be slowed down by flappy shorts.

The tank:  It is hot and so am I.
Sleeves (not attached to a shirt): I am running long enough that it was cold when I started and will be hot when I finish.
The race tee on race day: I only run occasionally, so I need to get a lot of use out of this, possibly my only race shirt.  

The bra top: I spend a lot of time working on my abs, and I want to make everyone how has had four kids jealous. ( not that it works:)

The cross-fit tee:  I have big muscles because I work out in the gym a lot, but you will pass me late in the race because I'm not used to running.
A running tee for a pre-1970 race: I am a hardened vet who has been running longer than most of you have been alive.  And all of those miles in the same shirt.  Don't mess with me.