I wanted to let you in on a secret that only really close, non-running friends would tell you: you stink. Not your running ability of course, you are awesome. Keep going. But you actually, literally stink. I hate to be the one to tell you, but I discovered this truth myself this weekend, and there are some things a runner really ought to know about herself.
See, I had finished my half marathon, and since I had some time to pass before awards, I went and showered before returning to the finish line. Of course I was now fresh as a daisy, and that is why the realization hit me with such force: runners stink. I was now surrounded by 2000 people who had been sweating for the past 3 hours, and it wasn't a whiff of roses that greeted my nose as I walked around. I thought of the post-race, pre-shower hugs I had given my poor family and realized that they must really love me to not gag and turn their heads. (Or maybe that explains the nose plugs...)
Further, I was sorting my laundry last night and came across the running clothes that had ripened for three days. They were, well, ripe. I was looking for the animal that died in my laundry basket when I realized it a merely my running outfit that was standing up under its own power and I started to think that something must be done.
Now I realize there is not a lot you can do about it. Running leads to sweat which leads to stink. As a solution, I would offer an easy fix. I suggest not showering if you are going to hang out with runners. If you stink, you don't notice the stink of others. If you are spending time with non-runners, this gets a bit more difficult, but I recommend either warning them to keep their distance (and sometimes this might be quite a distance), or maybe you can make a cute necklace out of one of those car air freshener things for each member of your support team. This way they can spend all day at the finish line or with you and will never notice the less than fresh air. I also recommend washing your own laundry to avoid any sneak attacks on the senses of the unsuspecting laundry sorter. Lastly, avoid running errands between your run and your shower. While it may help clear out the line at the grocery store faster, it might leave others with a lasting impression of you that is striking, to say the least.
Beware that running stink occurs in winter, too, it just tends to be frozen into your clothing at first so odor will be released on a delay as you start to thaw. This provides a little window of time for you to shower before everyone realizes how much you stink. Take advantage of this.
And finally, to my mom, I apologize for all those times when I would come home from a run and sit by you on the couch under the fan where the air circulated so freely. I now realize how that must have assaulted your olfactories, and I am deeply sorry. You really should have said something. Is that what you meant by the nose plugging and leaning away? Sorry. Maybe next race I'll have a necklace for you to wear to make up for it.
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